Morbid

Reflecting in Reflection

Sometimes when I look at myself,
I feel that I'm pretty.
But at the same time,
Rather most of the time,
I see a ugly, fat me.

Sometimes when I look at myself,
I feel that I'm smart and hardworking.
But at the same times,
Rather most of the time,
I see the labels "geek" and "nerd" on me.

Sometimes when I look at myself,
I feel that I'm confident and nothing will beat me down.
But at the same time,
Rather most of the time,
I see myself cracking down and crumbling.

Sometimes when I look at myself,
I feel that I'm the strong person.
But at the same time,
Rather most of the time,
I'm feeling weaken and fragile inside of me.

Sometimes when I look at myself,
I think I'm ready for commitment.
But at the same time,
Rather most of the time,
I can't help but wonder if I'm ever ready for it.

Sometimes when I look at myself,
I can't help but to think of the masks that I've been wearing.
The coats of layers are suffocating me.
But at the same time,
Rather most of the time,
I see myself changing from mask to mask in order to survive.

Sometimes when I look at myself,
I wonder who is the person in the mirror.
Is it really me that I'm seeing,
Or the person I imagine myself to be,
Or the person I alter myself to be.
But at times,
Rather most of times,
What I see of the reflection is nothing,
But the plain me.

I'm feeling like a mixture of lost and happiness and void and a little sad. Oh well, people whom I've tell them about my trip will know. HAHA.

Anyway, wasted 2 hours of my day on the bus traveling and not thinking = super unproductive. Okay, went over to my cousin's house after heading over to my ex-boss's house for his one-month old baby celebration. Spent the time chatting with my cousin and talking and acting like a parasite. Then we decided to break out from that parasite mode and went to TM to do some shopping and spent the day in a more fruitful way. Literally, we went straight into the crazy mode that left us laughing and acting stupid in public. Oh well, I had my great share of fun and laughter which I've not been experiencing for some time. I just love my cousin so much. Oh, not forgetting my three sweetpuffs that I've share my cruise trip with ytd. Have a great time talking to young last night and it kind of made me think more about myself and what I really want.

Loved and take care.